You Deserved Better. You Still Do.
Trigger Warning: Abuse, exploitation, trauma
This isn't the kind of post I ever imagined myself writing publicly. It’s personal, it’s uncomfortable, and honestly, it’s painful. But I’ve learned that the things we avoid talking about are often the things someone else needs to hear most. So I’m going to try, piece by piece.
This is going to be an ongoing conversation. I won’t be able to unpack everything all at once, it’s just too much. But if this resonates with you, or if you ever have questions or need someone to listen, I’m here. Truly.
And just to be clear: this is not about my husband. I’m safe now, and I’m thankful for that. I just know how easily people can assume, and I want to honor the safety I do have.
Did you know that neurodivergent people are three times more likely to be victims of abuse?
It’s not just a statistic. It’s a lived experience for far too many of us. And if you’ve been there, if you are there, please know you’re not alone.
I didn’t always understand what was happening to me. I just knew I didn’t quite fit. I struggled socially, so I learned early on to adapt. To “go with the flow.” To be agreeable. And most of all, to make myself useful. Because if I was helpful enough, maybe I’d be accepted. Maybe I’d finally belong.
But what I didn’t understand back then is that when you spend all your energy just trying to be a person people can tolerate, you make yourself easy to take advantage of, without even realizing it.
I did people’s homework. Gave them rides. Laughed at jokes that made me feel small. Let them cross boundaries I didn’t even know how to set. And sometimes, even my body was part of the performance. I thought that’s what it meant to be liked. I thought that’s what friendship or connection looked like.
But it wasn’t connection. It was survival.
And I’ve come to understand that what I was experiencing wasn’t just a few bad relationships or toxic friends, it was abuse. It was exploitation. It was people recognizing a vulnerability I hadn’t learned to protect, and taking full advantage.
That’s a hard thing to admit. But I think it’s important.
Because if you’ve ever felt like your worth depended on what you could do for other people, if you’ve ever confused being used for being loved—I want you to hear this:
You deserved better. You still do.
There is no shame in being someone who wanted to be loved so badly you forgot to ask yourself what it cost you. There is no shame in not knowing. The shame belongs to the people who took advantage of your kindness, not you.
And now? Now I’m learning what boundaries look like. I’m learning that being liked isn’t worth being harmed. That love isn’t something you have to earn by sacrificing yourself.
I still have a long way to go. This won’t be the last time I talk about this, but this is where I’ll start.
If you or someone you love needs support:
📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
📱 Or text START to 88788
🌐 thehotline.org
