🧠Why “Just Try Harder” is Not a Strategy (and What to Do Instead)
Let’s play a quick game.
Have you ever:
Forgotten something the exact moment you were supposed to remember it?
Told yourself you'd do it later... and “later” turned into “whoops, it’s next week”?
Stared at a messy room or inbox and felt so overwhelmed you just shut down?
Now—have you ever been told to “just try harder” in response to all that?
Spoiler alert: “Just try harder” is not a strategy. It’s a guilt grenade wrapped in a command. And for neurodivergent folks (and honestly, most humans), it’s completely useless.
🚫 Why “Trying Harder” Doesn’t Work
“Trying harder” assumes that success is just a matter of willpower. But if willpower were a rechargeable battery, many of us are running on 1%. Not because we’re lazy or broken—but because our brains are wired differently.
Executive function challenges—like difficulty with starting tasks, remembering steps, shifting focus, or managing time—aren’t solved by shame. They're solved by support.
Here’s what “just try harder” doesn’t account for:
Working memory struggles (aka forgetting mid-task what the task even was)
Time blindness (when “10 minutes” feels like “soonish” or “never”)
Emotional overwhelm (hello, shutdown and avoidance)
Rejection sensitivity (criticism doesn’t motivate—it paralyzes)
âś… What Actually Helps
Real strategies look like this:
Chunking tasks: “Write the paper” becomes “Make a messy outline,” “Find sources,” “Write intro,” etc.
External supports: Alarms, visual checklists, body doubling, or co-working with someone you trust.
Permission to rest: Productivity isn't a moral value. You’re still worthy on your low-energy days.
Compassion over criticism: You can’t shame yourself into success. But you can coach yourself forward.
And that’s where coaching comes in. Not as a drill sergeant—but as a teammate. Someone who helps build systems, strategies, and self-trust that don’t rely on brute force or burnout.
🌱 Bottom Line
Trying harder might work for short bursts. But if you're tired of white-knuckling your way through life, maybe it's time to try smarter instead of harder.
And if you’re ready to explore that? You don’t have to do it alone.
